


First Steps

by riselioness



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Lives, Boundaries, F/M, Gen, Light Side Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Right?, boundaries in a relationship, conflicted about Reylo, even though he’s Adam Driver?, guest starring a very confused Finn and Poe, how the heck do you have boundaries when you’re a dyad in the Force?, kind of Reylo I guess?, not there yet but this helped, people change, should you date your co-dyad when he’s a mass murderer and a gaslighter?, this is my attempt to try and work out what I think about Reylo, turning to the Light is just the start, what does redemption actually mean?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riselioness/pseuds/riselioness
Summary: Rey saves Ben’s life on Exegol, but him turning back to the Light is just the start.AKA my attempt to work out what I think about Reylo[This became (after edits) the first chapter of “It Is Ahead“, but I’m keeping this original standalone fic up here too]
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to the lovely mrstater for the beta! Any mistakes and faults are very much my own.

She felt him slipping away, losing his grip on the world, his essence dissolving to become one with the Force. His presence was fading away, he was letting go, she was losing him, he was leaving her, he was going -

Rey plunged after him, chasing him out of this life. She found him, and she _held_.

He was heavy, heavier than the weight of his body in her arms. The Force was pulling him away, taking him from her, and _she would not let it_.

 _Ben!_ The cry ripped out of her.

He heard, turning to her in his spirit while his body lay motionless. But he was still being pulled away.

 _Ben, don’t do this! Don’t leave me!_ Her body was crying, and her spirit felt the tears burn. She tightened her grip on him, but she could feel him slipping away.

 _Please, Ben! I don’t want to do this without you!_ She felt him wavering. _Ben,_ she whispered. _Come back to me._

Rey felt it in him, the turning back towards the world, the desire to return, the urge to breathe again. But he was powerless to fight against the Force, which was summoning him to become one with it.

_Rey._

As he said her name, she knew that she would not let him go. She gathered up everything she had, everything she was, and with every last bit of the strength he had given her, she gathered him close to herself and _pulled_.

The strain was like nothing she’d ever felt before. When she’d struggled with him for the lightsaber in Snoke’s throne room, or for the transport on Pasaana, she had been wrestling with a person. Even when resisting the Emperor she had been fighting a man, it was his will that had directed those terrible dark powers. But _this_ \- she was dragging Ben against the current of the Force itself.

 _Please_ , she whispered. _Please_. She didn’t know if she was pleading with him, or with the Force.

But it was no use. She was strong - she knew now just how strong - but this was beyond her.

 _Please_ , Rey said a third time.

And was answered.

She felt it first as the touch of Leia’s presence. Then Luke. Then the man who’d spoken to her in the vision from the lightsaber. Then, one by one, all the Jedi who had stood with her when she fought Palpatine came back to her. She couldn’t see them, but she could feel their strength filling her, and filling Ben.

 _We’re a dyad_ , she said - to Ben, to the Jedi, to the Force itself. _What use is that if one of us is dead? We live or die together_.

Ben was steady now, no longer falling away, but not returning either.

_Ben!_

_Rey. We live or die together._

She felt the surge as he joined the struggle, fighting to rejoin the world. They were stronger together, but it still wasn’t enough.

_Help us!_

Everything stopped in an instant. They were weightless, they were no one, there was nothing.

Only the Force.

_You live or die together._

His heart beat. His lungs filled with air. He opened his eyes.

He smiled.

“We live or die together.”

***

She felt as weak as a day old lothkitten and he could barely stand, but somehow they made it out, holding each other up and half-supporting, half-dragging each other out of the cave. When Rey saw Luke’s X-wing she collapsed again, fighting the despair that swamped her.

“The X-wing,” she said hoarsely. “It’ll only take one of us.”

He put an arm round her waist and hauled her to her feet, almost falling himself as he did so. “This way.”

They stumbled through the freezing smoke as lightning crackled and debris burned up in the atmosphere above them. When Ben fell, Rey dropped to her knees beside him, pulling at his arm, pushing him and crying tears of frustration at her weakness in being unable to lift him. “Ben,” she sobbed, “ _Ben_. Get up! We’re nearly there.” It was a lie, she had no idea where they were going, but he had to get up, he had to.

Eventually he managed to get to his hands and knees, and they crawled forward together, inch by painful inch.

She didn’t see it until they were almost there - a small, squat passenger transport. Later she would take in its battered appearance and wonder how he’d even managed to get it off Kef Bir, but right now she could barely think at all.

Somehow, they made it into the transport and found themselves in the tiny cockpit. Rey stared at the controls, for the first time in her life unable to take them in. Ben squeezed past her and collapsed into the pilot’s seat, gasping for breath. “Where to?”

She blinked at him. Where? To the Resistance on Ajan Kloss of course. But through the fog in her mind she had the nebulous realisation that returning directly to the Resistance base with the Supreme Leader was a bad idea. She inched herself into the co-pilot’s seat and stared at the controls again, willing herself to think.

“Iskaad,” she finally said. It was on the way to Ajan Kloss, but too far away for them to betray the Resistance if they were traced, and too far for the Resistance to detect them before they made themselves known. “We’ll rest there, before -”

Before what? She shook her head. Escape now, think later.

He nodded. “Iskaad.”

As he input the coordinates and primed the thruster for take-off, Rey’s memory kicked in. Her hands moved over the controls almost without her thinking, as she flicked switches, pressed buttons and turned dials.

“Ready?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Ready.”

It was a rough flight, the worst she’d known, and more than once she thought she would pass out. Ben _did_ pass out, nearly, but she grabbed his shoulder and gripped him with her consciousness - _how?_ \- and he stayed with her, just. But he was woozy and his reactions were slow, and halfway through the flight she made him swap places. She brought them to planetfall in a clumsy manoeuvre that shook them both from head to toe, but they were safe. For now.

She didn’t know how long they stayed there, semi-conscious and slumped over the controls, but eventually she came to enough to wonder what kind of place they’d fled to. It was dark outside, a brown, murky kind of darkness that seemed almost welcoming after Exegol. She tried to run the climate scans but the scanner was broken, and she wasn’t going to risk them escaping the Emperor only to die in a toxic atmosphere. Safer to stay on the ship.

Ben hadn’t moved since he collapsed over the controls, but she checked his pulse and it seemed normal. When she shook his shoulder he gave a little grunt and turned his head away, which reassured her.

Rey reached out to him in the Force, and smiled as she felt the warmth she had felt when she woke in his arms. Then her consciousness touched his and she recoiled at the images and feelings that flashed through her mind in an instant. He sat bolt upright and their eyes locked, and for a moment she saw herself through his eyes, face covered in mud and blood, eyes wide in fear.

She jumped to her feet and backed away until she hit the cockpit wall, then the moment passed and she was herself again. Something beeped, and she spun round to shut off the controls she had activated bumping into them. When she turned back Ben was staring unseeing out the window, hands clenched on the arms of the co-pilot’s seat.

She rubbed her forehead - as if that would help - and tried to work out what she had sensed. Memories, she realised. Bad ones. Mostly his - the raised green lightsaber, Snoke’s torments, murdering his father, Rey’s rejection - but there were some of hers in there too. Her mother’s scream. Ben’s betrayal.

Rey closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to bring to mind good memories. Leia’s pride in when she grasped a new aspect of her training. BB-8’s happy chirps as he followed her around. The relief when Finn came back for her on Starkiller base.

Slowly Rey regained her calm, and she felt fully herself again. When she opened her eyes Ben was looking at her, full of wonder and longing.

“What did you do?” he said, his voice shaking. “How did you do that?”

It took a moment for her to realise what he meant. “Good memories,” she said. “My friends. The things I’ve done for good. The things that make me me.”

It didn’t take Force sensitivity for her to feel the waves of anguish that swept him. “I don’t have any of that.”

“You do. You do,” Rey repeated as he shook his head. She wanted to help him, but she was weary to her bones and had no idea how.

She dragged her mind back to more physical problems. They were both wounded and exhausted, and she suddenly realised she didn’t know when she had last eaten or drunk. Her years scavenging on Jakku had taught her how to survive on the bare minimum when necessary, but they had also taught her not to do this if it _wasn’t_ necessary. “Is there food on this ship?” she asked. “Water?”

She watched the same realisation dawn in his eyes. “Supplies in the cabin. I hope.” He limped his way through and she followed slowly. They half-sat, half-collapsed by a cupboard that turned out - wonder of wonders - to contain basic rations. They took turns to sip stale water from a canister, and managed to force down ration bars so dry they crumbled when they bit into them.

As she ate, Rey felt some of her strength returning, and found she could think more clearly. What happened now? She knew Ben had returned to the Light - she could feel it pulsing through him, strong and clear. But there was still darkness and pain, she had felt it. It didn’t consume him as it had before, but it was enough to scare her deeply.

In these last bewildering hours she'd been filled with such joy to find him as Ben Solo that she'd forgotten what he had done as Kylo Ren. The meeting of their minds had brought it all back - his invasion of her mind on Starkiller base, calling her nothing, hunting her from Pasaana to Kijimi to Kef Bir.

He finished his ration bar and took a last sip of water before handing her the canister. Their hands nearly touched but she changed her grip just in time. She finished the water and put the canister down, the _clink_ very loud in the silence between them. They faced each other over the empty wrappers, cross-legged and waiting.

He was the one to break the silence. “What happens now?”

Rey made her decision. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to the Resistance base. I’d like you to come with me.”

He was still for a moment, then nodded.

“You know I don’t know what they’ll do? How they’ll react?”

He nodded again. “ _I_ know exactly how they’ll react. If you can keep them from shooting me dead immediately, that would - help.”

She realised her heart was racing. “You don’t have to come with me. I’d like you to, but if you won’t I can drop you somewhere en route.”

“I’m coming with you. Or, if you change your mind, I’ll go to the Resistance base alone.”

“Why?”

“Rey, I’ve chosen to leave Kylo Ren behind, to be Ben Solo again. But Kylo Ren isn’t a different person, however much I wish he was. He’s me. He was me. Everything he did, I did. And I’ve done terrible, terrible things.” He shuddered.

“I’ve chosen the Light," he continued. "And I’m never going back to the Dark, ever. I’ll die before I go back. I have no idea how to do this, how to be Ben Solo again. But I do know it doesn’t start with me running away. It starts with me facing up to what I’ve done, come what may. It starts with me coming home. To where my parents would want me to be.”

Tears were streaming down Rey's face. She wiped them away with her fist. “I won’t let them kill you. I don’t know what they’ll do, but - I won’t let them do that. We live or die together, remember?”

Ben smiled. “We live or die together.”

He held out his hand towards her, and she realised for the first time that he wasn’t wearing his gloves. Whether he had thrown them into the seas of Kef Bir or the pits of Exegol she had no idea. Slowly, she reached out her hand and touched her fingertips to his.

It was like that first time, over the fire on Ahch-To, the sense of knowing and being known, an intimacy stronger and deeper than anything physical. But unlike on Ahch-To, there was no treacherous vision. Rey saw only with her eyes, sitting in front of her on the floor of the run-down ship. He smiled, and she smiled back, and for a moment they were both at peace again.

Rey broke the contact first, and they were silent for a long time. He was the first to speak. “Why did you do it? Why did you heal me on Kef Bir? You wanted to kill me since Pasaana. Or before.”

It all seemed so long ago. She _had_ wanted to kill him. But in that moment, when she had felt Leia reach out to him… “I didn’t want to be the one who killed Leia’s son. Not then, at least.” And she’d hated the hate that had filled her when she ran him through. “Why did _you_ do it? Why did you bring me back?”

“I think you know,” he said softly. Rey looked away. She did know.

She knew what she had to say, to do, and she knew that if she didn’t say it now she might never have the courage. “Ben, we can’t be together. At least not now. I know I kissed you, but - Sometimes I feel I know you more than I know anyone, but I’m not sure I do, not really. I know who you _could_ be. But you’re not there yet.”

Rey made herself look at him. “And I can’t just forget what you’ve done, what you’ve done to _me_ , and said to me.”

“I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“You _should_.”

Ben nodded. “I know.”

“This bond, this dyad - whatever it is. I have no idea what it is, or how we can work it out. Maybe we’re bound together - no, I know we are -” there was no point denying it - “but I’m still me and you’re still you, and -”

“I know what you’re saying,” he said. “I do. Really, Rey. And I know you’re right. I wish you weren’t, but - For so long I’ve been chasing you, without really knowing why I want you. Now I do know, and I won’t chase you any longer, I promise. If you want me, I’ll be waiting. But I know it would have to be your choice, and I won’t try to push you.”

She willed herself to stop trembling. “If you do, if you for one moment -”

“I won’t.”

“You’d better not. If you do, then that’s it, dyad or no dyad. Do you understand?”

“I understand.”

“Good."

She tried to stand, and faltered. He lunged over and braced her elbow, until she could right herself. When she was steady, he sat back.

“We should rest,” she said, looking down at him. “In the morning we leave for Ajan Kloss, and we’ll both need our strength. I’ll go check the ship’s secure, you set the controls to standby. Then let’s get some sleep.”

***

They slept there on the cabin floor, lying on either side of the little pile of ration wrappers as if it were a camp fire. The climate control was working, so at least they weren’t cold.

Rey woke first, stiff and aching from head to toe. She sat up slowly, gritting her teeth as her muscles protested. Ben was curled up on his side, frowning in his sleep. She almost reached out to him in the Force, but stopped herself. Better to stay out of each others’ heads for now, or at least to try.

Carefully she got to her feet. Ben didn’t stir. She covered her nose and mouth to use the decrepit ‘fresher, and when she returned to the cabin she found to her surprise that she was hungry. She took out another ration pack and ate standing, gently moving and stretching out her muscles to try to ease the stiffness.

When she unscrewed the water canister, her fingers fumbled and she dropped the lid. She went to catch it, lost her balance and ended up on the floor, the canister flying through the air and spilling all over Ben. He sat up with a start, winced in pain and wiped the water from his face, blinking at her. “Good morning.”

“I fell. I dropped the lid and I kriffing _fell_.” She had never felt more ridiculous in her life.

He looked down at his sodden tunic. “Well, we probably both need a bath.”

“If you can stomach being in the ‘fresher for that long, you’re stronger than I am.”

“That bad?”

“You’ll see.”

On his return Ben just grimaced. He took the ration bar from her but didn’t unwrap it.

“Eat,” she said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’ll need it. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.”

He grimaced again, unwrapped the ration bar and began to eat. Now she had rested and eaten, she was able to think more clearly, and she noticed how much younger he looked than when he was her enemy. Much of the tension had gone from his face and shoulders, and was she imagining it, or had his scar faded?

He finished the ration bar and took a gulp from another canister. “Ready?” she asked him.

He nodded. “I’m ready.”

***

They made the journey in near silence. They had so much to talk about, it seemed impossible to know where to start. Rey was afraid that that once she started to try to make sense of what had happened, what was happening, she would quickly be overwhelmed, and she wanted to be back with her friends before she started to grapple with it. Poe, Rose, and especially Finn - they might not understand, but they would help her remember who she was.

On the approach to Ajan Kloss she opened a comms channel, feeling a stab of guilt at the realisation that she hadn’t reported since she left. Kef Bir. Did they think her dead?

The comm crackled into life. “Unknown transport, identify yourself.”

“This is Rey, requesting a private line to General Dameron.”

“Rey? Burning skies - right away.”

More hissing, then - “Rey? Stars alive, we thought you were dead!”

 _I was._ She didn’t say it. Time for all that later. “I’m alright. You? Finn? Rose?”

“All fine. But Rey, Leia -”

Beside her in the co-pilot’s seat, Ben’s shoulders tightened and he looked away. “I know,” she said. “Poe, I need something from you.”

“Anything.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah, it’s just me and Finn. What is it?”

She looked over at Ben - _last chance_ \- and he nodded. “I’m nearly at the base, and I’m bringing someone with me. Poe, do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“No, really Poe, _do you trust me_?

A pause. Then, “I trust you, Rey. What’s going on?”

“I need safe passage for the person with me.”

“Who is it?”

“Safe passage, Poe.”

Another pause. “Safe passage. I promise.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s Ben Solo.”

“Ben - _Kylo Ren_? The _Supreme Leader_ is with you?”

“He’s not - it’s not that simple. He’s defected.”

“ _Defected_? The _Supreme Leader_ has _defected_?”

There was another crackle, then Finn’s voice. “Rey, what’s going on?”

“The Emperor’s dead. The fleet’s destroyed. And Ben Solo’s turned back to the Light Side.”

The crackling of the comm seemed louder than ever. “Please, just trust me. Give us safe passage to the base, then it will all make sense.” _Eventually. I hope_.

There was another silence, and Rey could picture Finn and Poe looking at each other. Then finally - “You’ve got your safe passage,” said Poe. “I’m sending you the coordinates. We’ll see you soon.”

The comm hissed out, and the navicomputer began to beep as the coordinates came through.

She set the course, then looked over at Ben. He was breathing fast, and his hands trembled as they moved over the controls. Their eyes met.

“This is it,” she said.

“This is it,” he echoed. “No turning back.”

“No turning back.”

***

They landed on the outskirts of the base, and found Poe and Finn had brought a dozen others to meet them. Among them Rey spotted some of the highest ranking Resistance officers. _They’ve come as witnesses,_ she realised, and wondered what Poe had told them.

A stir went through the group as she and Ben disembarked, and only Finn and Poe kept still. She wanted to run to them and hold them tight, but she held herself back and walked slowly towards them, Ben following half a pace behind.

She stopped just before she reached her friends, and Ben walked the last few steps alone. He took a deep breath.

“I, Ben Solo, also known as Kylo Ren, hereby surrender myself into the custody of the Resistance, pending trial for my many crimes.”

She felt the shock radiating from her comrades, and Rey’s heart filled with pride at how Finn and Poe kept their composure. Only the tightness in Finn’s jaw and Poe’s widened nostrils betrayed their strain. Poe nodded to Finn, and Finn stepped forward.

“Ben Solo, also known as Kylo Ren, former so-called Supreme Leader of the First Order, you are hereby detained in the name of the Resistance.” Finn motioned to a lieutenant, who presented him with binders. He fastened them round Ben’s wrists, looking directly into the eyes of the man who had murdered so many, and nearly killed him.

He looked at Rey. “Does he have any weapons?”

She shook her head; both lightsabers hung from her belt. Not that Ben needed a weapon to hurt them if he wanted to, though she suspected both Poe and Finn knew that already. There were procedures to follow, and they were following them.

Finn stepped back. Poe nodded to the assembled fighters and they moved to flank Ben, escorting him away. Poe fell into step behind them, leaving Rey alone with Finn. She watched Ben until he was out of sight, but he didn’t look back.

Rey turned back to Finn, and was filled with a sudden, deep joy to be with her best friend again.

He was looking at her in bewilderment. “Rey, what in the thousand moons of Iego is going on?”

It was a very good question. “It’s a long story.”

He gripped her shoulder. “I want to hear all of it.”

Finn pulled her into a hug and held her tight. She fastened her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder.

“Rey?”

“Yes?” she replied, somewhat muffled.

“I’ve got a lot to tell you too.”

She pulled back and smiled at him.

“Then let’s get started.”


End file.
